“oh um yes, you too?”
“Thank you!”
“Happy Friday IS RIGHT!!”

I mostly choose not to say anything at all.

verb (used with or without a subject, in reference to a professional environment)

1. to hover, sit, delay, stick around, stare, blurt out random questions, or any other manner of being wherein the employee is subjecting the receptionist to unnecessary interaction.

PROWLERS. You know who they are.  They kinda saunter by your desk SLOOOWWWLLY saying hello every time they pass just hoping that you’ll start up a conversation, searching stealthily for any sign of interest.   They’re like a cheetah in the wild, they lean over your desk forcing you to recognize their presence.   And before you know it they POUNCE! and say something exceedingly uncomfortable that you really just can’t ignore like, “I’m just SOOO glad to have you here.” or “You look really nice in black.” (ps it’s a corporate office – EVERYONE WEARS BLACK – go compliment someone else on their conservative suit.)  It’s the pounce that changes it from a stealthy search to a flat out attack.  Yep, you gotta watch out for the prowlers -  it’s probably one of the few times when you are actually overjoyed to hear the phone RING.

Who saves work?  Honestly.

I DO.

If not, I’d be forced to pull a George Costanza all day – constantly trying to “look busy.”  Watch and learn from the master my friends.

Oh wait.

That was today.

Yep. I love how just because people are walking through the lobby past my desk they feel the need to make conversation rather than just letting me enjoy the silence. (They forget that I make small talk with people for a living “How can I help you?”)

Bless her heart, it was in the right place, but PLEASE DON’T ASK ME ANYMORE “How’s it goin?” or “How are ya?” because I might be forced to answer on that 8th time how I’m really feeling.

ANNOYED. Just let me enjoy my silence. It is precious.

Here is the full article:

“If only Shaq had been around to tell Vicki Walker to turn off her caps lock, the health-care accountant may not have had to sue her employer for firing her over emails they deemed too “shouty.”

Yes “shouty.” We’re guessing that means people felt she was screaming at them when she wrote in CAPS and bold blue letters. Co-workers at the New Zealand company ProCare Health thought her email style was too confrontational, and so she was let go because she was creating “office friction.”

Vicki understandably thought this was some BS, and brought a suit against ProCare. The courts sided with her, deciding that bad netiquette is not grounds for dismissal, especially since her office doesn’t provide employees with an email style guide. She was awarded a little more than $11,000.

Wow, really? We wonder how much we can get if we start drafting all our correspondence in Wingdings.“

If it’s a something, small and easy to do they won’t even call or speak to you in person, an email will suffice:

“Hey can you tell me if this invoice got paid?”

Easy.

But if it’s something a little more tedious, something that the asker REALLY doesn’t want to do, in fact, something that NOBODY wants to do, you see the energy level jump wayyyy up accompanied by nervous giggling and/or silly faces, etc and they ask you in person so you can’t say NO.

E: HHEEEYYY! (sing songy voice, big smile) Got a minute for a PROJECT????? (even though this task will take at least 12,957 minutes of your time-seemingly.)

R: Um, sure.

*giggling and nervous laughter ensues*

E: Um, do you think you could like maybe type up this 42 page document word for word?  I only have it in PDF form. And then after that could you like alphabetize and enter all this data for each and every employee? *heehee* Does that make sense? Just a few PROJECTS!

R: Uh, yeah I think I can do that.

E: OH MY GOSH!!!!!!   YOU ARE THE BEST!!  What would I do without you?!?!?!?!?!?!  I SERIOUSLY appreciate you taking care of this PROJECT.  I know it’s not fun, but I really  appreciate you helping me.  You do not even understand (and on and on….making it awkward for me, and taking wayyyyy to much time – get to the point!)

R: Oh, no problem. I’m “happy” to.  (Oy.)

And WHY do they always refer to these tasks as PROJECTS??  I would like to know.

E: Hello! this is blahbity blah…how are ya? (he literally says the YA)

R: I’m fine.

E: Ohgood,I’mgoodtoo, eventhoughyoudidn’task, thatwasjustajoke (all in one breath)

R: Oh, sorry…

E: I’m looking for so & so! (insert silly nickname or -stein at the end of person’s name)

R: I can transfer you.

E: Oh! Great! (as if he’s surprised! UM HELLO that’s what you called for in the first place!)

AND REPEAT.

This might not be so far off……Seriously.

http://www.nbc.com/The_Office/video/clips/sexual-harassment/116185/
(NBC doesn’t let me embed the clip into my blog.  Sorry guys, but worth the extra click!)

A few weeks ago I was subjected to our company’s own harassment training.  HR had a sent out an email a few weeks prior listing all the people that would be in your session.  I really wasn’t looking forward to it, there had been some awkward run ins with a couple of the people in the sesh and that’s never a good start.  But, I went, and saw that it was just me and 3 other employees.  Small crowd for a training that’s supposed to be more of a “discussion.” Yikes.

We begin talking about all the protected groups, gender, religion, martial status, race, ethnicity, ancestry…but wait?  Aren’t those all the same a co-worker questioned?  HR proceeded to explain the differences in a most diplomatic way.  We were getting through it little by little….but NOPE…this dude couldn’t let it be right there.

E: Well, guess I won’t be telling any of my Asian jokes around Ms. Head of HR!

R: under my breath….OR ME YOU IDIOT.

Are you freaking kidding me.  He said this.  Out loud.  In the middle of a HARASSMENT TRAINING.  Seriously.  (I should mention that I don’t believe he just said this to be a Smarty Pants, I’ve heard around the water cooler that this dude literally tells derogatory jokes about Asians.  Puts a little more perspective on it.)

I guess it’s one of those things where you can’t really hold them accountable until they’ve been told the ground rules.  Consider yourself told, chump, or I’m turning you into HR.  Sucker!!

This little guy was uncovered as an outgoing fax from someone within my company to which I say….WHO SENDS FAXES LIKE THIS TO TOTAL STRANGERS?!  Seriously?  And let’s be honest, guess who probably received this oh so lovely fax?

The Receptionist.

{An accomplice came across this gem a while back and had the decency to pass it along to me. Thank you, you know who you are }

Now for your viewing pleasure,  “Don’t Take it Personal” by Monica –

A Receptionist’s Anthem